bits and pieces

busy few months it's been leading up to the Summer;

- road trip down to the little wine country. amazing food, and company. driving through the vineyards. a carefree and a happy place

- few wine tastings. quite the drinker I am, Not! but one such facility ID-ed me :S. quite embarrassing that was.

- felt almost like we weren't gonna have a summer at all, coz you see we didn't really have a spring. bluaergh! whoever is controlling the weather out there sucks balls.

- bought my own little place, that I can call home. yay me!

- busy trying to make it pretty, and find the pieces that I love, and will love for years to come. it's so difficult I tell you. I just want to close my eyes and open to an apartment that's fully furnished and deco'ed to my taste. gah! they say that's the fun. weekend after weekend walking through home deco/furniture stores looking for items.

- squeezed in a trip to the island. a short but an efficient (interesting choice of word there) one at that. met a few old friends. catching up over lunch, dinner, drinks.

- Galle Face. sea breeze. Isso wadeyyy!

- this time I felt how it feels to see a friend leave.  I was always the leaver, but was never the one to stay behind. the roles were reversed for once. and it 'felt'.

- last couple weeks of Summer. Sun.

'til next time.

over the rainbow

it's been nine years since I moved from home. over a third of my life was spent here where I would call my second home. feels almost like home.. but every trip back keeps me reminded that sri lanka is still home..

flashbacks of bits and pieces of life here...

long walks, tears, laughs, snowy nights, food, friends, scorching summers...

hurdles jumped, bridges crossed, scared shitless..

years had gone by, feels long, but I can almost remember it like yesterday

 the teenager I was and the woman I've become..

Parting.. yet again..

it feels like i've known you longer
a best friend.. or more like
a sister was what you were
honest and rare..

today you leave, not seas away..
it's hard.. hard to leave
harder to see a loved one leave
but we both know, it's a plane ride away..
i know we promised, to call and text
but distance scares me, it parts friends..
and makes one learn to live without them

as tears roll down my cheek
with memories kept close..
i wish you success, in everything you do
you will be missed.. dearly..
come back soon!

Death of an Unknown

I knew you, knew of you
but didn't know you well enough..
never saw you in flesh and blood
but saw your soul within
imperfect you must have been,
but Perfect I knew you as..

today I hear that you are gone
gone forever..
I'm saddened of your departure
speechless for once..

I wish I knew you more, I really do..
vain words they may be now,
but sorry I didn't say hello,
nor wrote two words to see how you were..

thank you for making me smile and laugh

thank you for touching my heart.. n soul

numerous times, with a phone call from seas away..

You my friend, will always be remembered

wrapped in a corner of my heart..

may you Rest In Peace

lives entangled

He has it all. A good job - safe, secure, good pay. Fancy enough car - fancier than most, house, a family that cares. Plays for a good league in the kingdom.. and is living the life. then he meets her.. a med student from a former soviet union country, jumps to the kingdom for the summer cash. takes him for a ride.. literally a ride. he thought he had it all.. the life, and the hottie on his arm.. hopes of wanting his fairy tale. her intentions weren't the same. she took it all in.. and nothing in return. dumped him to chew the last bits.. left him in the dump, and found her happily ever after with a kiwi.

time healed the wounds, he found another... hoping for another perfect story? she too looked perfect, sounded perfect.. but a slimeball.. belonged to another man - literally. but now she was carrying His child. he sits and thinks, why god why me.. i have faith in you. but why do you punish me this way. he thought he'd give up on love.. the only thing he was missing.. that kicks him in the gut everytime he thinks he got it in the bag.

fuck it all, says yes to a paper ad... yet again another woman with hidden intentions of jumping ship to the kingdom. blinded by all the crap he went through, and for the wrong reasons, he gets hitched. with no friends by his side.. feeling like a stranger in a foreign land, but a fairy tale looking wedding... brings the new bride home. time, yet again fooled him.. and the wrong reasons faded away.. true colors pop out. he started hating his life.. couldn't live the lie anymore.. moves out.. divorced parents taught him the consequences earlier on.. and vowed not to ever think of that option in his life. but now.. that looks to be the only one available, to let him live his life..

---

I thought i was in a rut.. but love always seems, and never fails to take you down with it.. when it falls out.

with love,
cf.

life happened.. sort of..

yes i abandoned you again.. i promised not to. i know i did.. way too many things fell on my plate, or rather I made them fall right in to my pots and pans..



I gave it up almost, still i call myself a citizen of my good old sri lanka, but i did give up and become an alien resident of this foreign land. for a better what? yet to see? hmm may be.



every night as i go to bed, i think of you and so much runs through my head to jot down but whilst half dreaming I fall asleep and the routine goes on. changing jobs wasn't helping either. took a majority of my free time.. restricting me to a very minimal, check email go to bed routine. slave of time baby slave of time..

They tried to make me go to rehab...

i said No.. No.. No..

this was a bit different from rehab, but worse I'd say..

does this occur to everyone else or just me, that especially in sri lankan society, once you are done school, you go to college/university.. once you graduate, the infamous questions that you are being asked is not about your accomplishments .. but..

when are you getting married!?!?!?!

especially the older generation.. amongst them would be the gossipy aunties.. mother gets influenced by the aunties, and father by the mother.. if there's a wee bit of a quieter moment in an expensive phone call from sri lanka to this side.. the first question that'd pop outa the rents would be.. ahh so now you should get married.. that would be the next 'thing' to do.

so who creates these 'things' for you, or who decides them. Is it something only for the fairer sex in sri lanka.. or would it be the same across the board..

I usually take it as a joke, and think it must be just a passing cloud for that week.. but it gets annoying after sometime, and makes me cut the conversations short to the bare minimum.. and the last words that I'd utter would be.. "please leave me alone, and let me do MY 'thing' mother".

life hasn't been..

that interesting nor eventful lately.. didn't really have much to write.. nor did I have the time to get online coz despite the uneventfulness, i've been busy like a bee with everything and nothing..

roomy's away for the long weekend and I have the whole place for myself.. loving it.. feels like the old times when i used to live on my own. Good friday was spent with a friend downtown.. walking about.. greek food (yummoo!).. and shoe shopping.. (flaws flaws).. two girls at a shoe sale.. what more can one expect .. oh well.. good times..

recreation's going on still.. very randomly, even thought i'd like to have a routine, i haven't gotten to that part yet. I will eventually. May be I should start going for a salsa class or something. they are stupid expensive here I think, not that I have looked into any..

my randomness goes on..

eyesight matters

my eyes are not the best, but I have full 20-20 vision and I do not need glasses to do my day-to-day stuff. but since of late (I mean like since last year) I've been getting headaches after a full day of work and every night it's headache medicine or else the whole night's screwed. So I go to the eye doc and he prescribes another pair of glasses especially for computer and reading purposes.. 'another' meaning yes I had glasses from before but never used them coz I hate wearing glasses to start with ::S:S. i know it's my own fault but oh well... anyway, the new pair was used for the first few months and then thrown away.. rather couldn't find or didn't bother.. and now I've been getting the daily headaches so I'm back to the geekness! but hey I have farsightedness or whatever.. so I only wear glasses for the computer and reading.. I always thought that kind of glasses are for when you get to your naughty forties.. i'm only half way there but argh~

compared to my friends, family, and co-workers, my eyes are better.. at least I think they are.. yesterday I went to see the eye specialist with a friend.. well not for me but for my friend.. coz the friend has to get a cornea transplant : it sounded scary but it's more popular (not just among adults, also among younger people) than I thought it is.. it's sad how a lot more people nowadays have to wear some kind of aid to see just to do daily stuff...

oh well... i think i complaint too much.. come to think of it, problems with your eyesight is no small matter..

the race goes on...

80th annual oscar's playing on the background.. whilst wandering around in the web, I was watching the glittery stars and their expensive couture.. getting nominations and gold men for everything and nothing..

anyhoo.. u know what I was thinking.. we do everything possible in our lives for what.. when we were small parents do the best they can, register us in best schools possible.. we like nutheads, go with the flow not to mention the crazy competition in schools with friends and also the parents.. anyways, after struggling for good quarter of your life we graduate from grade school and start the next race of college and university applications.. there goes another four years of reckless, sleepless nights with stupid ass-in-ments and the likes.. some drop out.. some have enough courage and determination or whatever it takes to get over with the four years..

some are still confused after that.. well i am.. I think most of u are too or no? lot of them think they have it all figured out with a flashy career n all that jazz.. most like me are still confused.. why are we leading this race of a life.. the crazyness, jealousies (word?), savings, bank accounts, tears, lies, haircuts...

why oh why... and the race goes on..

life of mine... not

Yet another twist in my life or i wished it was a twist but the rents involved and made the choices for me which left me with no choice at all in my life. thinking back of how i had freedom to choose who i want, and how i cant get out of it now coz of my parents as they have come to love the other more than i do or more than they love me. i thought im the one who's choosing to be or not to be with someone.. and that is not a question that i have the power to answer for as the power has been taken away from me by the almighties. i thought i can at least choose who to spend the rest of my life with but hmmm.

as tears roll down my face.. i sit here and wonder y people dont understand and think of things the way i do.. this isn't wot i call life..

come back

no i didnt forget about my blog.. i remebered it at least once every two days.. just didnt have time to get around it and write anything.. nothing interesting happend i think, now that i think about it i dont even remember whether anything interesting happend that's worth writing about..

many outings.. many heartbreaks.. sadness and happyness at the same time.. and random desserts downtown were among them. wish certain thigns were different.. may be i should have kept my blog closer to me, which I think I'm planning on doing..

blah!

on the streets..

homeless people live everywhere and almost every part of the world regardless of whether it's a third world country or a developed country. which i found quite amusing or rather interesting at first coz when you live in sri lanka you'd think that in a developed country people would want to work hard or rather they earn money somehow and things are almost given to them compared to a country like our lil ol' sri lanka where it's 3rd world. for some obvious reasons and others not, i do not feel that much sympathy for the homeless in these developed countries, which has become a growing and a continuous problem. such homelessness has lead to drugs, mj etc. and they were given new injectors for their drug consumption. how pathetic and sad is that? in a way that is actually good as it limits the various transmitted diseases, but on the other hand this inevitably bumps up the number of people who are using drugs on streets and leads to the number of homeless people. it's sad why these people cannot go find a minimum wage job at least and rent a tiny place and live a happy life, when they live in paradise compared to how people live in 3rd world countries with no water, food, or better yet surrounded by deserts.. There are many reasons why these people have been living in streets, but if one wants to get out of it there are enough and plenty of ways to do so. all one needs is some courage..

twists and turns I

three months have gone by.. rather three and half months, as an intern in a field that i initially wanted to be in but two-three years down the road i almost hate it with a passion. the greatest experience i got being an intern and it didn't take long for me to fathom that this isn't what i would enjoy doing.

has this happened to anyone or is it only me who feel the pain and the agony of being or better yet forced to be in a field that I don't enjoy and hate to move forward by learning.. it'd make me feel better if such confusion is commonly seen or felt amongst us..

life takes twists and turns and and i'd hate to do or be in a career that i wont enjoy. that won't do any good to me nor to my colleagues nor the company that i'd work in.. while i patiently wait and look forward to where my life takes me in this long hard curvy road, my heart still cries out for the long lost (or yet to be found) something in my life..